In my on-going quest for the right 'he' to occupy my right now , I have ventured into the world of online dating. Like real dating , one needs to have confidence, open-mindedness and traditionally a bit of a flirt game. Typically my pick-up line goes something like "Hi, my name is Christine, and I just randomly came across your page. You seem really interesting and I would like to learn more about you...". Yes, I have a pick-up line. Its not sexy, not overly flirtatious but it has an air of intrigue and spontaneity, like 'you seem so great I simply had to write you', while still mellow and not too anxious. And above all, its genuine...I find people through a search engine so saying I 'randomly came across your page' is pretty damn accurate. Yes, you can read into all of that from a 2-line byline... But moving past those revelations, I usually go on to cite and highlight what we may have in common from their description of themselves and end with inviting them to read about me. In my virtual travels of what equates a tipsy free-fall singles bar on any night of the week, I have come across the most bizarre, forward and out of control introductory messages never to be uttered aloud, yet somehow end up in my inbox. After the initial shock and sometimes, blushes, I end up doing one of two things: hitting delete, or hitting delete and then block (the latter, of course, depends on the afore mentioned blushing factor). Here's how to not end up in your computer love's out bin.
DO: Start with your name
I cant tell you how many times I have read an entire online propagandist auto-bio, read the trite message and left my computer like, 'what was his name?'. This especially sucks if I read or find something about the person that I like and really do want to start a conversation - I'm held back by a speed bump of not even knowing how to address you. Think of your message as an actual in-person introduction...give me details and fundamentals.
DO: Mention or address something you two may have in common
As my own profile states, flattering me and yourself with 'were both hot' sentiments will get you no where and I might even toss in an eye-roll just to set the mood. Something genuine is appreciated, like you have similar interests in music, movies or travel. People who are truly looking for 'someone' want to know off the bat how much effort they may have to put into this 'relationship' or if serendipity has brought you to each others attention.
DONT: Make a profile that lacks substance, information and insight into your life
Im not suggesting you write your memoir, but too often people create online profiles that dont have any information at all. The standard site questions, such as age, gender, and location do not count toward your profile details. Keep in mind that this is the only way people will get to know about you until further contact. And if you are the pursuer, then you want a bio that sells all your qualities, not stumbles on your faults and negativities. Be honest, maybe even witty and interesting. Remember you want them to like you not loathe they ever came onto your profile.
DO: Approach a potential dating situation as if you were actually in person
Though online dating is a great venue for the overly shy and reserved, it is also a prime opportunity for the perverse and explicit. You wouldn't approach someone and remark, "Cant wait to meet up and kiss those lips..." would you? So dont do it here. Find the balance between flirty and respectful - be intriguing, alluring, yet leave your reader curious to find out more about you. And just like you would in person, be aware of personal space. DON'T inundate someone's inbox. One message is enough before you start IMing them, poking their profile or even searching out their name on other social networks. It's weird, it's uninvited and I can almost guarantee a "hell no" is your future. State your case, let your interest be known, and leave the cheesy douche bag lines and awkward behavior for the actual bar, where the alcohol content can drown out your lameness.
DO: Publish a realistic and accurate picture of yourself now...
and not who you were 5 years ago, or who you want to be in 10 years. A full face and body picture is always preferred. 'Nuf said.
DONT: Be personally offended or hurt by someone's digital denial
Yes, they may be cute and their profile reads that you two have so many things in common that you've lost track AND they too have a cat named Mandu, but sometimes, they just arent that into you. They dont feel the same vibe your putting out over the web, their schedule isnt open to meeting right now or they simple arent interested - dont let that discourage you from continuing to date online and in person. And though they are rejecting your interest, they arent rejecting you per se...remember they dont really even know you. Ironic since if they got to know you the sparks may fly, but be that as it may, in actual life and behind a key board sometimes people just arent feeling each other and thats totally ok. Rejection is apart of the dating game - Acceptance is the goal so keep looking!
DO: Treat the first meeting as just that...a first meeting
In the online dating world, the substantial difference between actual dating and digital dating is, of course, the lack of physical contact. Whereas in a bar or club you can feel the chemistry sizzle (or fizzle) you cant online. So if and when you meet a perspective date, the first time around should be like an in-person introduction. Maybe even a repeat of a few things you two discussed in your emails and mid-day IM's to reiterate the connection that you think is there or to see if is was a just a match.com mirage. Either way, pick a place central to both of you; good lighting and an agreeable atmosphere (as far as music, clubs, lounges or dinner) and come simply ready to mingle, talk and maybe finally that special someone.
