The Future Belongs to Those Who Believe in the Beauty Of Their Dreams...

Mama May Have

God bless the child thats got its own...
Running a comb through my hair
I look up and she is solo there
Just my mother, with her longing look and her blank stare
Out the window to where life is moving and shes stuck, feeling trapped in here.
See Ive always known
Her heart loves me so but her head is elsewhere. She deserves to be she,
but shes always mommy to me, daddy too to unrelenting degree -
herself secondary and in return, I am allowed to be free.
Unhinged to the swinging door of single breeding. The cycle is vicious -
Ive learned from her disposition.
Bills on the brain, with{out} a way to maintain - shes solo, you know so
The world is on her shoulders yet shes always trying to keep in the game...
Life is playing {un}fair, but whos to referee?
Papa may have.... his freedom, but he never sees me
Has no idea where I be - lost or alive, {un}loved or treated kind. Hes fucked and out of luck;
his trivial influence to undermine. Im a product completely of her design. Independent.
This cycle of circles, intertwined between haste, exhausting my mother
but for me she has always stayed.
Blessed for me that shes got her own - and from her I have my own.
A women with no silver spoon but here I am, the silver lining.
Everything that she is, I am , and I have it all.
Sometimes, I just have to remember, mama may have
but from her, I have it all.

Column: Im not waiting for Mr. Right- more like Mr. Realistic

Back in 2009, being single was a mandatory breath of fresh air. I had recently broken up with (or he broke up with me – depending on who you ask) my live-in boyfriend of a year and a half. The same boyfriend whom, at the time, I lucidly saw myself marrying, baby mama-ing and complacently spending the rest of our amazing days together. However I was on the verge of 21, he already encroaching 26, and for one reason or another, the clear picture of my domestic future got beer-goggles once I stepped into the ‘adult’ world of legality. Everything was so exciting and social…we all know how fun life can be once laced with the hypnotic allures of alcohol and freedom. Read: I liked to go out, he liked me home; we broke up.

Since that wonderful learning experience, I have dated/encountered an interesting myriad of boys, men and assholes alike to come to a very real and sound conclusion – there is NO Mr. Right. Perhaps several Mr. Right-nows, Mr. Right-ons, certainly a dash of Mr. He-can-get-me-Right and yes, a fair share of Mr. Wrong’s; but alas, no for sure Mr. Right. Why is that? Simply put, no one is perfect, No one man, woman, anyone will be your ‘everything’, all the time, forever. To be frank, Im not sure if I would want a man like that – seems too good to be true and that’s because it is.
What I have come to realize, however, is that there are Mr. Realistic: men who are not perfect, but encompass several (if not many) traits, qualities or preferences you may like, and more importantly, can deal with dating. And while I am still young, occasionally reaching for those rose-colored beer-goggles to make what isn’t realistic at least convenient and suited for the moment, I can say that what I wish for versus what I cant live without in a person are becoming clearer than they have ever been.

A guy who has the basics

· Like your favorite recipe for chocolate chip cookies, or your moms amazing and irresistible lasagna, a good man like a good meal needs the basics. I call them basics because really, this is where it should all start. While every woman is different, my basics are pretty standard and non-negotiationable: respectful, honest, a sense of personal morals and justice, kind, humble, friendly, and able to be around others without turning into someone else. The last one may not seem so basic, but it has become a necessary staple to have with men I even care to get to know past, “Hi may name is”. Don’t be an asshole, a douche, a womanizing man whore or a liar who can’t even remember his own real name. I will call you out, leave you for ‘dumped’ and never ever look back.

A guy whos both fun, responsible, silly, intense, outgoing but shy…

· Im admittedly full of contradictions and to some degree, I feel a lot of people are as well. Whether they are as readily to admit it as I am is an entirely other story. Regardless, I want someone who doesn’t necessarily ‘fit’ into a type; your not this and your not that. I consider myself boundless – Mr. Realitstic should be too.

A guy who makes me laugh and can laugh with me

· This is a combo request: I thoroughly love to laugh and find so many things either hysterically funny or tragically amusing. Either way there is laughter. I don’t need you to make a production or stand-up routine out of everything, but having an innate sense of humor is key. I like to think of myself as someone who doesn’t take things too seriously, especially when dating someone, and needs a like-minded mate to be on that same page with me. Really, it’s a wonderful page to be on.

A guy who wants to teach me

· As an undercover(s) nerd, I enjoy learning about anything and everything. Im no child prodigy, but I find new facts, information and ideas tantalizing and dare I say it, mad sexy. Teach me something new…Im intrigued. Introduce me to your passion…Im interested. Include me in some of your favorite diversions…Im yours.

A guy who has goals to execute

· This is a bit of a biggie. While I don’t expect you to rule the free world a la Obama, be the next Jay-Zoutselling Madison Square Garden, or even create what would become the ‘computer’ like Bill Gates, I do need you to have a dream. And not only a dream, but a means and plan on how to capture that dream and make it reality. Whether you want to help make the world a greener place (pun possibly intended) or simply be a tycoon, just do it. I, like so many other women, admire the steadfast nature so many men have, but so many men tend to let slip in between their grinding fingers. Women want to help you be the best and most prosperous you; let us. Just promise you’ll be more than a lost dreamer…

A guy who lets me be me…

· When in a relationship, I am the epitome of ‘girlfriend’. Im all about ‘us’ and what ‘we’ can do/see/eat/go/try together. Its in my female nature to want to dote on someone else, and when in a relationship, that someone becomes him. Yet, even in that picturesque mode, it is in my human nature to need to simply be me sometimes. Do things solo, make mistakes despite your warned attempts, engage in new friendships beyond ‘us’ and continually learn about me. Mr. Realistic would be understanding of this need; not feeling ignored or unloved, just realizing this is a ‘Christine’ thing. Equally, he would need time for him and I would insist on it. Its all about space and boundaries.

A guy who has a similar 5, 10, 15 year plans as I do

· I say, “as I do” in jest, since Im not exactly referencing true plans to say “I do”. Beyond simply getting married one day, and yes, settling down one day, I am more so inclined to talk about the events in-between the seminal ones: where we see ourselves living, perhaps traveling, a job, skill, or trade you may be inclined to explore. All the things people end up doing, but may not be aware of the want to do so. In getting to know more about me, I have become aware of the nomadic path I see my future taking and I am very comfortable with having several address, seeing the world from the back of a bus, plane, or train and all the while writing about life, love and this sought after pursuit of happiness. My Mr. Realistic should probably have some of these fantasies as well. Marriage, babies, and picket fences will be par for the course…the latter end of the course.

These things will change, evolve, and improve as will I. But for now, Mr. Realistic...heres what's required.