Hallmark Sentiments

You reveal depth to me like hallmark sentiments
through unwritten words, you talk of being more intimate
Rewinding time and trying all of this again
Since when did our this become ridiculously complicated?

I listen to you, astute, hanging on every word
your long distance neediness sounds cleverly doctored
Regale me with a few lies and promises so conjured
out of thin air; rare to see game this haggard.

Does she know about your suto confessional?
or how we both met; more or less professional
Think she would appreciate your late night unfaithful
This generic sincerity is exhibit A, counsel

Your just as fake as your hallmark sentiments
mass produced, reused, sealed and licked; send it again
Deprive me of your washed up oral remnents
The best thing for you to do now, friend, is subscribe to silence.

Sending an S.O.S

I dont think Im done crying over you. I tried though -believe me. Sucked it up and put up a front - quite deceiving. I tried to shed every last tear because 'we' as we knew us is no longer here. Maybe not forever gone, but no longer near. I fear my emotions are a facade. I have oceans left and my eyes are consistently on the brink of flooding over. I'm sending an s.o.s your way...but I think our pride may let me sink way too deep. We both know I can't loose myself again...but Im feeling that feeling creep.

Yesterday was your birthday and strangely, it was me left wishing, blowing out the candles. Your no longer my light. I wish for you hopelessly. My lamenting lulls me at night. I want you happy but without 'us' it doesn't seem right. How can either be happy when their soulmate is out of sight? s.o.s...
Like Bonnie and Clyde we had a master plan. You with ambition of dollar signs in the sand. Me, with you on my left, and writing gripping my right hand. One day getting hitched, finding a niche, sans babies unplanned. Southern bohemians. When did our life idea get canned?
We talked about forever. Staying so high on love and coming down never. Not for anyone or anything ever. Forever Young and always together. Forever, it seems, was more temporary than our original endeavor. It's much more tragic than clever. Im sending an s.o.s your way...please reply. Let me know your on the same page as I; not now, but not never. What was once granted forever but truely now, there's no rush, just a worthy wait. I can wait. You let we know when.

Language, And I'm the Messenger

Language belongs to us. It always has.
They can't handle it.
Can't take it away; no, they can't touch
They can't manage it.
It's not manageable. Not tangible.
So don't try to man handle it.
Persuade it to cater to your whims; nah, we're not havin it.
See, every word you've ever read belongs to me,myself,and I.
My trilogy of infamy won't let language go -won't let her die.
We let you borrow it, breathe it. Now exhale - your permit to write has been denied.
See, I sleep with it, go deep with it, like a fantasy I've always dreamed.
Full of passion and promise; letters flowing together so clean.
Language belongs to us. It always has.
Tells me what to write - I tell the world, present and past.
I'm the messenger, translating a muddled alphabet soup into something the masses can feast on. My pen forces feeds them. Shit, its like they've never eaten, the way my pen keeps them.I feel blessed. To be this messenger and chosen with few rest.
I'm full and literate - in love with language like the true gift she is. She makes me feel

... mischievous; hiding secrets and undeciphered thoughts yet to be formally introduced to my pen. They are deep from within. Language is our liaison. We rendezvous whenever she calls. And I'm happy to take part in her ploy. I'm the messenger.
Language, what should I write for the world today?

1214

Countless tomorrow's have culminated into today. The moment has arrived. A title of victor awaits at bay. The question is, which will thrive. Tireless they fight. Restless day and night. The skies have turned an unsettling shade of livid. The look among us all is timid. I stare. Where once doves roamed freely, frolicking in the calm breeze of peace between both realities...now, they flee. Unable to keep flight in the tormented abyss..I stare. Looking up I feel an even colder chill in the air. Back up has arrived. From the north, a heavy rain has been contrived. From my seat, a purple reign can be described. Though not for the grayish side. I see you sun- commander in chief in his army of a united one. You are the guiding star to freedom in this darking Battle of the Light.

The water approaches, like a well rehearsed ensemble, ready to play the old freedom spiritual through its assault. The true war has begun. Of battles before, no one has ever won the war. Not anymore. The sun coyly follows suit behind the rain and the massacre that is bound to ensue. First one, then two. Drip drip,bloop bloop. Heaving from the heavens, like canons do; massive attacks of water seeping through. My panaramic view looks like a civil war gone askew. The symphony of rain sings its freedom song, from verse one and steadily unto. Truly in sync, without mistake or redo. The assault is vicious. Safe in my haven underneath I grimace. Puff's of cloud attemp to regroup to take vengence, but its far past that wish of a finish. This war has been claimed by the sun and his troupe but the scene is still a menace. The lead cadet and his calamity of clouds slowly diminish, wiped clean from the forefront. Who knew clouds would lay to rest by too much dew.

I see you sun. Though weak and weary you've finally won. This moment was waiting for you. A star. Complete with rays of light that blind from wherever you are. But I stare. I want to feel your warmth; I smell fresh victory in the air. Kudos to your persistence. True valiance has a right to insistance...and others must succumb. The battle of the light is over and done.

Yet another day in my western paradise, the sun has overcome.

Would he?

I'm living my book, but its missing some chapters. A co-author with meaning, not some rehearsed Shakespearean actor. One who refills ink with tribulations and sweat - like I do. Jots mental stanzas and can never forget - like I do. A dream team. Would he? He would be a queens lost king. A writer penning romance that spans centuries unseen. I need his pen in between my pages. Continue writing your verses that linger on life's lost graces. I'm reading.
Would he? He would enjoy my candor. Appreciate my humor and sarcastic grandeur. The hard covers act as my stage and you, my best audience. You always want an encore. I'm always wanting to give more. Would he? He would inspire me to dream bigger than before. Silly me, I once imagined there stood walls or doors. I'm surely mistaken. He shows me the world, says its mine for the taking. I'll take it. Don't tease, don't fake it. Would he? I'm thinking. He would write off the universe if suggested. Steal all the words from all the world wherever they rested. Language belongs to us. It always has. We live and digest it. Daily. We both crave it. Would he? He would finish the book I'm living. Insert my blank pages with chapters doused in chivalry never ending. Cure my ails with ink so mending. Be willing to bend the future if it means us in it. My book is on hold for a minute. I'm thinking. I want the right he to help finish it.

1211

I step outside.

The boding heavens are gray and ominous. Like they are foreshadowing an undecided future. They are trying to tell me something. I feel a storm a'coming. It is early in the noon yet the sun is strugglin'. Desperately trying to be seen, be heard, be known as more than nothin'. I see you sun.
Battling for the forefront, it is so many clouds against one star. So many near against one so far. So many surfs against one true czar.A dim attempt at an eclipse, they want a coup, and one in particular steps in to hide the growing glow. Ashen and bleak, like it has fought this war before; a hazed and once triumphant solider in the Battle of the Light.
This is an aerial plight and from underneath I have the best seat. Out of reach, but ever so clearly, I see the combat. Slow and calculating, waiting, debating the odds of success. The infantry gathers behind their leading cadet. My romantic western sky becomes a timeless standoff between good and bad while the world ponders the outcome.
Bashfully, the sun hesitates. To shine or not to shine, that is the internal conflict. Yet there is no time for hesitation, No time to spare. The air is biting colder and colder, viciously taking sides in a standoff that seems so outnumbered. Hopeless without a star to shine in the damp darkness.
I stare.The noon is dying and still no clear heir. One has to succumb for the other to stay there. My money is on the sun.
Shine with all your light and let there be none. Over your doubt and release your burden. Open the gates of heaven with your sol so that others will believe. I see you sun. Even if others don't. I won't despair and I pray that you won't. Let your glow defeat those who can't see past the clouds. The battle of the light is forever and defeat is not allowed. Today may not be yours but tomorrow is anew. One is more than many if hope holds true. Victory is there; it is simply waiting for you. I see you sun. Tomorrow, they may too.

Downtown Download

Behind the brazen screen and gleam your a beast held captive by a machine. Your modern vice is vernacular but luckily the keyboard provides the relief you seek.You sought me. The whole wide world is your web and you've caught me. My left hand over my mouth, the least I'm doing is talking. I'm tangled, entrapped in your verse and candor meandering between the lines of abbreviations and digital confessions.

Your I.M's on my M.A.C are keeping me M.I.A from reality.

It's boldly tempting...to say what I may actually never, but am always thinking. Sincerely, its interesting. But i like it. And I respond, adding fuel to the fire; your fingertips simmer as they touch the keys and your modem. This is an illicit adventure. Desire on the verge of overwhelming intensity...still i hit enter. The thrill of sending keeps me. I just know your thinking, waiting, enjoying me on the edge of my seat. Only for so long. This exchange can keep me only for so long before I want what's real. Yes; the intentions are a done deal but moreover something I can feel. The cursor is flashing, beckoning to be typed by the keys your teasing. Grazing over the buttons, the temptation is seething. It softly taunts me.Yearning in its purest form, don't worry, my viral protection is on; I'm ready. Panting and anxious for it. And it comes.

The screen filters the flames and once again,

were safe at either end.

I, She, and all the Motivation Inbetween

I wont surrender. Won't give in. Refuse to fulfill the unforgiving legacy left for me. My course is destined and I manifest my own destiny. I don't own a white flag. I don't know what "cant" means. I keep hearing it; echoing like surround sound, reverberating off of the haters and procrastinators that cling to my boots as i climb to the top. But it sounds foreign. I don't speak as being content. My vocabulary produces results; I'm just fluent in success. My mind is made up so don't try to steer me off the road. Don't bother planting your ideas for me; my future has already been sowed. And I water it on the regular- with school and promise and increased fervor. I get excited to be me at my prime, and then I remember; my prime is yet to come, still my focus is forever. I want to reach the top, dust it off and place a book there. A book I wrote and dare another to compare - beware. My bark and my bite are equally vicious. I want this to much. My desire is ridiculous. I'm too anxious, too fearless. I've got nothing to loose but blank pages and laziness. A past cycle that bore me to shepherd this flock; I'm Christine Columbus and the 'top' is Plymouth Rock. Don't get left behind or you will wind up empty- I'm the light at the end of life's tunnel and She is the pilot that lit me. Whether I'm 5 years or 50, it is her. She motivates my will and strive; my ambition and stride to keep it pushing. Always. I want to embody all that she couldn't. Traverse the unknown, not cuz she wouldn't, but because I was too prudent. Placed things aside once I was born. All her thoughts ideas worries and cares took a back seat as I rode up front. Sacrifices were made and her going without was the brunt. This is no game to me, no make believe day at the park. The buck stops here - I'm leaving my mark. A mark that says if I can so can you. She taught me how, and I just promise to follow through. She didn't get a chance like mine but repentance I plan to do. By writing my life down and everything I see. By making myself happy and succeeding in who I am supposed to be. I got plans. Taking over the world if the pen in my right hand so demands. And never looking back so don't call after me. I inhale letters and exhale eloquently. My motivation is clear & set. Not succeeding would be blasphemy.

transgressions of indiscretion

Liaison, liaison; I simply cant stop at one
My transgressions of indiscretion has left me hurting some
but liaison, dear liaison; the naughty is half the fun
The other half is between the sheets
and if I try to run;

You grab my hand and lead me in
the bedroom; lights off - its done.
But in the morning when its time to face the music of the sun
Im ashamed; lust is to blame
I've yet again hurt my plus 1.

The sorries in all the world cant make up for what I've done
And all the rubber in between those sheets cant rationalize the sum

but im sorry

and I worry

that your forgiveness is left at none.
Don't look at me with disgust and
please don't think all is lost
I want to change, I really do; hope isn't so far off
Hope; that I can keep my meandering eyes at bay
Hope that your love is all I need to faithfully make it through the day.
And I pray that you will still love me for who I really am
Not the me that's hurt you or the one that didn't give a damn.
But more the me that is caring when your day has given you enough
or the me that is vigilant when its time to get tough
The me that is always tardy and tries to make it up
The me that is in love with you and is sorry I made the road rough

Please allow that me to show you the 'think and thin' I pledged
This cant be it; it isn't the end; I'll mend our widening wedge
This road were on was never made from gilded fools gold
Still shame on me, I did not see, that what doesn't glitter...

is still worth everything I hold.Everything I am. And everything I aim to be.

Forever yours

C.

Untitled

Long lost and no where to be found

Not 6 ft under but still 'underground'

Scraping up your things to high tail it out of town

Your running so that you don't drown.

Anywhere but here is where you tell him to go

No other way to make money so you decide to hoe

steal...

cheat...

lie to get by on the low.

Dirty and disgusted as you look in the mirror

under your nose and you sniff; it looks vaguely familiar

Deeper and deeper down the hole you spiral

sex

drugs

rock and roll...your

Out of control and the destination is viral

Climbing up the walls you cling to get out

Soundless your seem yet you scream and shout

Desperation takes hold and your loosing your grip

This seedy seduction has found in you a niche

In a city filled with sin the gray has made you cold and numb

What happened to the 'dream' of having so much fun?

The illusion of grandeur that seduced you to succumb

Was quickly dispelled - in its place it left you with none

Now you have to run from the person you have become