Column: Lions & Tigers & Big Checks, oh my!

You may not remember what you did last month, last week, or even yesterday.I'm the same way so it’s understandable. But I think its safe to say most of us can selectively remember this past November of 2009: Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the stock markets slight optimistic recovery and, oh yeah, Tiger Woods epic infidelity buffet sprawled out before our eyes. While it was an familiar sight to see, a celebrity marriage dissolving over a matter of days, it was also unbearably salacious and better than any penned reality garbage. Here's a man, a Nike, Gatorade, Tag Huger, Schick man, at yet anther fantastic pinnacle in his career, seemingly unstoppable as the best and dearest golf player ever to grace the game. He's on Wheaties, he's given speeches encouraging the youth and due to his amazing skills and inherent diversity, subsequently changed the color and face of golf forever. There will never be another Tiger Woods. Still his greatness has yet to keep him from being an average typical cheater. Or has it? Admittedly, most don't cheat with upwards of 17 partners during the course of a 5-year marriage. That's impressive Tiger. And most don't diversify their conquests like Tiger; waitress, porn star, overseas and domestically here at home. Though most do get caught (yep, that includes you Mr.Woods), most do not face the consequences and financial heist like Tiger Woods. In 2010, cheating like Tiger will cost you around $100 million and monthly child support in the tens of thousands.
Though the two had a prenup, which destined Ellen Nordegren to at least $20 million if they remain married for a decade, news of the golf greats adultery prompted a slight renegotiation to the initial contract. Still, nothing in the new prenup settles her with an amount like the one she will now be receiving. While it is in exchange for her undying silence on the marriage and his cheating, truly, it is so obvious Tiger is the one getting screwed by his own selfishness. And his wallet will be taking the brunt of the pain.
It's no coincidence that Tiger Woods has quite possibly discovered some the most expensive mistresses ever. Even Heidi Fleiss would be amazed at the tab 17 separate yet countless transgressions can rack up. But like the #1 champion he is, Tiger managed one of the most expensive divorce settlement. Ever. Yes, he's up their with Michael Jordans $157M.
Yet I think, beyond the money and the affairs, is the out come for their two children. When there is a cheater in any relationship (especially one involving children) you cant help but question: While they were away cheating, what did they miss here at home? Maybe a recital, or a science fair display. Maybe a day at the beach, or dinner at home. Maybe even some tears that needed wiping. Who knows? Certainly they don't; its hard to think of the ones you love when your doing things that would break their heart. And for his indiscretions, he will have still less time with his young 1-and-3 year old children: Ellen will have complete custody, with Tiger inserting some input. While I don't blame this custody aspect on Ellen (he did cheat with 17 women for goodness sake) it does sadden me that she had to even do this at all. Kids who need and want their father can't be around him because he is incapable right now of making selfless decisions, in particular, involving his family. In particular, not hurting them or their trust anymore.
Who's to say what Ellen, or any other mistreated, beguiled and heartbroken woman should receive monetarily. For pain and suffering.For embarrassment and exposure. For lost trust and wasted time. With the adultery rate the way it is, it seems a lot of people should be receiving $20M payouts for failed relationships. Yet in reality that doesn't happen. And in reality cheaters still cheat, leaving spouses without their other half. And children are left with monthly paychecks, yet no papa. And in reality, not even $20M can fill that emotional bankruptcy.

Ah, A Great Pretender

Few people know, but I'm all too aware. So few know, but your secret wont be spared. Little do they know what we all had to live out; Ah, your a great pretender. A cowardly white-lie inventor, changing lives in your weak surrender to the greener grass and forbidden Apples, though you just cant take the blame so you hinder. Blending seamlessly, I'll confess; all the while spreading embers you transgress through lies, deceit and selfish obsesses. Ah, the regrets...but no one knew.
You seemed so...fresh and new. Full of virtues to wholesome to be untrue; family devoted, motive cleverly unbeholden, though lost in a supposed future never meant for you. Silly fool, don't you know your a pretender? A grown diminutive charlatan cloaked like a poor mans emperor with your 'New' clothes; yet everyone knows you cant teach an old dog new tricks. Continue to think you have fooled the masses - the man in the mirror is only fooling you.
Perk up, you are a great pretender, right? So little does anyone know who you really are. I must say, you look so normal but alas your so sub-par...A parental of three never hands-on, always afar, and you shudder to think your mini-me's want nothing to do with you? Cry me a river and drown in it too. Ah, great pretender I see right through you. Your naked without your lies and all anyone can do is pity you. The shell of a being you have become, your even less than a man you were bore from; its so late in this game you may never measure up.
Great pretender, I call your bluff. Your orphaned heart and rogue ways - you've won and finally gotten your way. Solo you are in a city so cold - a metro mecca with out a soul who really knows. But your a great pretender, right? Right. Now pretend your really not alone.

Column: The Lesbian Effect

Yo, Drizzy sayin' get her Imma get her
I get the kind of money that make a broke bitch bitter

Gon' ahead and deep-throat.
4-chick Foursomes,
Skin colors mocha.
Sally and Sonia put the pussies on my Totem.
Pole.

Cause I'm bout go have a ménage
With this lady and some freaks at the bar
who like fuckin' with a star…
If you fuckin' with me
Really fuckin' with me
Let her put her hands in your pants
Be my little freak

Excuse me little mama
But you could say I'm on duty
I'm lookin' for a cutie
A real big o' ghetto booty
I really like your kitty kat
And if you let me touch her
I know you're not a bluffer
I'll take you to go see Usher

Make a straight girl out of lezzie…
and this bitch I brought with me she be baggin bitches for me
I got a girl named Kima
and Kima like Christina
baby three dont make a crowd it make a sex scene meaner
I just wanna get between her
turn it over scream her
than its one, two, Im through, see ya

3 is the new 2
Baby, bring about your girlfriend when you come through?
A whole lot of freaky little things we gonna do
If that's your fantasy
Then girl im feeling you

If Pink is the new black, then gay is the new straight. Well, lezzie chic at least, and I don’t mean your bi-curious kiss after a kegger during your senior year of undergrad. Sex sells, and in both underground and mainstream music, the fascination with and sexual conquests of female-on-female possibilities has found a highly profitable male niche in a most un-female friendly genre: hip hop. While its true, hip hop circumvents the blase norm and instead delves into the more glamorous, rough, or intoxicated aspects of life, as of late it has taken an increasingly feminine twist, and caught onto a wave of trendy sexual orientation seeping into conventional pop culture. We shall call it, the Lesbian Effect. It has made its way into movies, magazines, award shows, sitcoms, and yes, now music. With the steady flow of introductions of aspiring female rappers; Diamond, Hedonis Da Amazon, Nola Darling and Tiye Phoenix ( to name a few), the game has formally welcomed outspoken lesbian Nicki Minaj to lead the forefront of a ‘Black Barbie’ revolution. And why not? Nicki is exactly what any mass producing hip hop generator would want: she’s unpredictable, confident, sassy, quick witted and sexually appealing to both men and women. Ok, probably mostly men. Unlike her contemporaries, relaying solely on their actual talent, Nicki and her team of Young Money are quick to point our her bark and her bite for both sides of the fence: “I'm lookin' for a cutie, A real big o' ghetto booty…And if you let me touch her I'll take you to go see Usher”. Her lyrics, whether self-professed or cleverly doctored, hint toward her sexuality yet never cross actually confirming it. Is she gay, bisexual, or simply smart for having us talk about it? Only she knows, yet her persona and appeal was created to dramatize a male-centered imagination come-to-life: a bodacious pit bull in a mini-skirt who spits game as well as a guy. But is into girls. Or maybe both? Listening to her lyrics I'm pressed to wonder, are these her own desires or those of a misogynistic society dictating her increasingly sexualized aura to obtain success? Nicki Minaj – 'Minaj' being a reference to “eating” females a la menage a trios – isnt the first or the last female to use her mystic femme fetal to get what they want. And she in particular isn't the source for this sudden Lesbian Effect. Furthermore, her being gay or not really isn't anyone business in the first place. Perhaps, the actual issue lies in the fact that yet again we have stooped creatively – are we actually to the point of commercializing homosexuality to sell rap albums? Its looking that way. We as a hyper sexualized culture have taken something inherently feminine, lesbianism, and turned it out; it has now become a venue for male conquest and profit based on the backbone of female sexuality. Realistically speaking, a large aspect of hip hop and its assumed lifestyle lies in the wealth and abundance of its females. Women are required to look, act and appeal to an ideal – to an ideology. And this appeal extends past the superficial to ones own sexuality. The Lesbian Effect trickling into hip hop, and oozing throughout pop cultural in general, has taken aspects of the increasing female sexual liberation stemming from the 60's and somewhat morphed it into a rather sense of exploitation. Being a lesbian is nothing, seemingly unless it involes a man in some sort; “I got a girl named Kima/ and Kima like Christina/ baby three dont make a crowd/it makes a sex scene meaner”. Or if a man cane profit from it; “My girl's got a girlfriend/ I just found out/but its alright/as long as I can be with her too”. Rarely, I would simplify to say, is the act and preference of being a lesbian solely a female occupation when glorified in today's society. Nicki and her male counterparts are embracing the idea of selling just another fantasy, and we are all to willing to buy it and play along. Hip hop music, it unfortunetly seems, is simply the latest pawn to the oldest game in the book.

Column: AZ, did you forget where you come from?

Nearly two months ago, on April 23 2010, a controversial and relatively redundant idea was re-introduced to Arizonians and the American people alike. While it is formally titled the Support Our Law Enforcement and Safe Neighborhoods Act of Arizona, opponents have dubbed it the Anti- Immigration Act. And though its origin is rooted in such laws as the Federal Patriot Act (instilled post-9/11) and 2004's Arizona Proposition, the latter of which was vetoed under former Democratic Secretary of State Janet Napolitano, the Act has become the staunchest anti-illegal immigration attempt thus far. To reiterate some of the vital details of this Act, it is imposed upon illegal immigrants in the state of Arizona, in which law enforcement agencies are given legal authority to question a persons citizenship, or lack thereof. Questions and concerns over a persons legality are only to be asked if an officer or such enforcement has "probable cause" to pull over, detain or otherwise hinder any person for any reason. Ambiguity, as one can see, is already an obvious problem. A saving grace: one is supposedly "presumed to not be an alien" if he or she has some sort of governmental or tribal identification card. Moreover, someone found of being an illegal immigrant, or 'alien' in AZ terminology, is charged with a misdemeanor crime accompanied by increasing fees, discretionary jail time and general hassle and molestation, possibly culminating in total deportation.
My initial reaction when hearing and learning of this law was mixed feelings - undecided about how I wanted to approach the obvious and ignorant discrimination, racial profiling and bigotry subliminally in between the legal jargon listed in this Act.
I am an American. Born and raised in this great U.S of A and as far back as I can remember, teachers would always refer to America as the "Great Melting Pot". Both literally and figuratively, we are a nation built on the dreams and backs of countless immigrants ho have pledged their life, and sometimes several generations of lives, to the betterment of this country. We are all, native or not, born from a once upon a time heritage of un-American Americans. While the reasons for their arrival vary from foreign need or want, greed or necessity, or even political wars and genocide, people from countries and crevices around the world have washed onto our shores. Ready, willing and hopeful to capitalise on their golden ticket to opportunity. Already these supposed foreigners are sounding pretty 'American' to me; capitalism, opportunity and cashing in on a combination of both are US trademarks. Our forefathers, though Caucasian and 'English', were immigrants. And good 'ole Chris Columbus audaciously 'discovered' this vast land as, yep, an immigrant. Yet this has rarely been a problem. Like most American ideals and principals, immigrants have served a 'purpose'; whether it be labor for the fields or for the mines, immigrants have built, drilled, mined, picked, toiled, plowed, harvested, bore, invested and yet rarely reaped the fruits of the American Dream they have come to collectively create. Still, they come, and for what? Our principals and fundamentals; those vital phrases placed in feather-penned writing that states "all men are created equal...with certain unalienable Rights...[such as] Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness". Dare I ask, when will these "self-evident" truths start to hold up? Especially for the underdog-types of people they were written for.
Modern times have found immigrants under persecution from every angle; they are often oppressed in their homelands, for whatever reason (war, famine, political corruption, you name it) only to escape to a land that has morphed from a home of the free to a land of bullying. The immigrant has become the school yard wimp, and fellow Americans, we are quickly becoming an ugly bully. We re-create (or rename, depending on how you look at it) a Federal law that is already in full effect (thanks terrorists and your nifty little WMD's), only to further pester an already burdened people, illegal aliens. The name tag alone, aliens, is inherently segregated from the masses in every way,shape, and form. Or is it? We all started as such - learn you history, kids.
Now, don't misinterpret my intentions or my understanding of some of this Acts intentions and allegations, and other Acts and Laws like it. Yes, we have an enormous drug problem that has ironically grown since we Regan-ized it and pledged an unrelenting war against its survival. Safe to say were losing. Yes, most of our imported drugs have come from countries like Mexico, Central and South America.This is American damn it, we want our drugs in bulk and for cheap. Yes, these drugs have caused crimes beyond containment in such a way that its severity is devastating. Yes, we have a growing deficit that can partially be blamed on an out of control immigration flow and emigration trickle. Yes, our jobs, health care, and in part, economy have all taken jabs from countess persons falling in love with our purple mountains of majesty and our even better quality of living. We claim to leave No Child Left Behind, we DARE you to just say no, and whats more, we offer education and opportunity as far as your eyes can see. Of course people are flocking by the thousands to cozy under our American quilt, and since 1776 we have steadily been inviting them. Ms. Liberty holds a light guiding lost souls to our shore and we live with the whispered premise that if you work hard, you too can have this Dream and any others you conjure up.
What I am saying, Americans and especially the blind-sighted constituents of Arizona, don't forget your roots. Harassing and bullying immigrants is not the way to deal with your immigration problem. It is not the way to deal with your drug problem. It is not the way to deal with your fleeting state economy. You need to be looking for drug dealers, not simply people who may make an unrelated mistake that is inevitably magnified because they are immigrants. Immigrants have and will always hold a place in the US, like any developed country. We need the labor resource to thrive and we need the cultural influx. Don't get confused: recession or not, under the table work has been occurring with natives as well as illegals, and chances are you have had work done, labor performed or a service rendered by someone who was not fully on the up and up. I believe our momentary economic downfall would be steepened without immigrants; the labor and services they often provide and that we often need are often only obtainable for the average person through the give and take situation provided by them. We need to assist anyone trying to legally assimilate into our country with a cohesive and affordable way to do that, not intimidate them into fleeing for the next state or ship that will have them. We need to mandate state and/or tribal identification cards so that there is no one roaming without proper Id's (asking them to carry 'papers' is a tad to reminiscent of both post-Emancipation days as well as mid-Hitler conquests with the Jews and their Davids). Raising the immigration fees for incoming applicants will only propel illegal immigration instead of stifle it. There is no reason we cant fix this now, as we always have. We are a county of resolve. Resolutions are our thing and we pride ourselves with the ability and ease of manifesting solutions to modern problems of various social, economic and international proportions. Dare I ask when that will start occurring? Because, as one pop-culture phenom once proclaimed, "It does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty"...not now, not ever.

Unconditional

He calls her his word but she is only his whisper. Beckoned when needed, never wanted, her soul withered. Loveless she thought, but this is the love that once made her quiver - earth shaking romance and timeless butterfly jitters. Dolled up dates and bright-light adventure. He used to say i love you in epic moments together. Sharing together was her pledge to his offer of forever. Now todays have halted in body and soul conquers.
He says I love you with a fist that swings and sways so loud, she could no longer confuse his actions with his vocal sounds. The bruises, she maintained, were chosen love notes. An i love you here and I need you there, her body tweaked from all his care and at times she thought his love would be the death of her. And he found time to write her daily, over dinner mishaps and misinterpreted sayings; his ego and pride co-authored his behavior. Love notes, she pleaded, so others wouldn't try to save her.
He calls her his word but she is only his whisper. In a dark corner in his mind he replays how he hits her. To ease his conscious over what once made him quiver - childhood screams from a mother jilted by jitters; a man who hit to make her come hither. He all too well remembers that abuse growing up- an emotional cycle he thought had made him tough. Yet he circled that same cycle to cover up the bad stuff. The pain and cries from his fathers 'unconditional' love..what always smothered his mother with scars and yet she never had enough. Love, he knew, was supposed to be rough.
He called her his word but she barely screamed or whispered. When he loved her too much and couldnt contain his temper. He flalled with his heart and struck with his furor. She whimpered to get away but he insisted on he wanted to love her. And teach her for good that his way was for better; the better of she, he and their warped forever.Yet his best was simply a burst of too much versus her enough. Not the eternity her little girl dreams were made of. And with that he sufficated the life of their together. She was unable to make it through his past, his hurt, his cycle of its never...enough. Love, he knew, was supposed to be too much.

Another Maybe

Maybe theres another way. Another chance. Maybe time has confused the present and the past,let them overlap and grasp at another hope. Another point of view into what was may blend and reshape itself into what may be. Maybe. Can you see what I see? A once upon a one time thing morphed into a full time swing and then crumbled into never-again-will-that-be-happening. Or will it? Maybe its different this time. The cosmos predict a greater incline and if ever, nows not that the time to resign on what may be. Maybe? Or...maybe Im readig my aquarial assessment all wrong. Conveniently placing you in my maybe future when you have been 'gone' all along. Off on your own may be and yet without me tagging along. Maybe you have forgotten our sentimental secrets...our memorable keepsakes...our unspoken ethos. Our effortless bliss. Maybe where greatness once stood lies a greater good in our solo stints. You vs. I in less of a competition but more of a cry for what was, but never realized and now we are back to synthesize the original errors made by both sides. Maybe? Though our mindsets and situations are worlds away, Im wondering maybe,just maybe, your closer now than ever before to being more than an eternal maybe...

Sandman

♥'s flirting with sleep so much - he's amazing. All day he teases me with hints of whats to come and I often yawn heavy and breathless in anticipation; every night we cuddle inbetween the covers while I lay blissfully in his seduction. Hours pass and moments lapse and I fall for his warmth while he eases my soul from the daily grind and I love him all the more for it; as if there were a love more necessary and sincere than this one. I need him, maybe more now than ever, and he needs me to need him. Thing is, how do you committ to a man who cant committ? Like clockwork, hes gone by sunrise to lull someone else all the way around the world,coddle their dreams and count their sheep, and Im left, drowsy through my day and wishing on shooting stars for his return. I guess its just beautiful as it is now - hes mine for a few hours and I'll take it. We whisper zzz's and smile sleepily and simply are..fleeting as it may be. I already know I wont last long with a man that cant last long...
Sandman, babe... I'll see you again soon

Mixed Media Girls.

Mixed Media Girls.

At the moment

The scene is set to once again exit this chaotic labyrinth I'm in
Beautiful concrete whispers that hypnotize my skin, I tingle
Lights. Laugther. Love. Life
and deeper I'm lured.
Again I attempt to defend my sanity waning against the whimsical whims of this hasty sour apple to pleasure my senses and my curiosity beyond belief
but,
I fail and I flee for the nearest bridge to hurl to some sort of sanctuary...yet with all that is surrounding me, I'm still deep in my solitude from this city. Surrounded by water, an exit can be tricky. Millions of beings but I'm everlastingly empty. Hungry for someplace or something that fits me. A boroughed re-entry into my dreamed fantasy...
Until then, lost in my mental mystery of this mecca on an island, where all roads lead to crayon paths of confusion, I'll retreat to keep wanderin. Searching, searching for the nearest exit back to reality.

A Free Negress of Remarkable Talent

Im a free negress of remarkable talent. At least thats what they tell me. They say Im boundless. I may just have to consent to agree. I am boundless. Eclipsing even myself to surround success and pounce without a moment to hesitate...yet I digress. They tell me Im free to be whoever I please... me, myself and I simply want to be FREE. Unattached to orthodox and uninhibited by regularity. Without race, gender or reverting to simply appeasing thee. You dont like it? Take a hint and recede to the masses of 'us' - where conformists and naysayers find their way among the judgmental musk. Rank and reclusive with your swaying finger in my face, yet never face me in the same space. You speak of what you must - but I say Im free. Not held within some box or quota stagged by others or myself. Partially belonging to a society with its sovereignty, all the while my soul and intentions go rogue; I physically rest in between... a consistent tug-of-war. I speak and write deliberately; Dont ask about me if your not ready to receive all my ideas and thoughts; wrong or right they are mine to hold. Secrets and sadness, potential schemes untold all uniquely molded to me. I am boundless. One in a billion and you can count on this. There will never be another I who can make you laugh or make you cry - hold your tears while you learn to fly, and all the while you miss me. Miss the talent I possess or the sass thats clever and jest or the independence that I carry within every breath. This is me. Good or bad, with varying degrees for indecisiveness and subliminal uncertainty. I think I am, I think I am has surely transformed to YES!, I is she and she is boundless. A free negress of remarkable talent, that is.