Column: Lions & Tigers & Big Checks, oh my!

You may not remember what you did last month, last week, or even yesterday.I'm the same way so it’s understandable. But I think its safe to say most of us can selectively remember this past November of 2009: Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the stock markets slight optimistic recovery and, oh yeah, Tiger Woods epic infidelity buffet sprawled out before our eyes. While it was an familiar sight to see, a celebrity marriage dissolving over a matter of days, it was also unbearably salacious and better than any penned reality garbage. Here's a man, a Nike, Gatorade, Tag Huger, Schick man, at yet anther fantastic pinnacle in his career, seemingly unstoppable as the best and dearest golf player ever to grace the game. He's on Wheaties, he's given speeches encouraging the youth and due to his amazing skills and inherent diversity, subsequently changed the color and face of golf forever. There will never be another Tiger Woods. Still his greatness has yet to keep him from being an average typical cheater. Or has it? Admittedly, most don't cheat with upwards of 17 partners during the course of a 5-year marriage. That's impressive Tiger. And most don't diversify their conquests like Tiger; waitress, porn star, overseas and domestically here at home. Though most do get caught (yep, that includes you Mr.Woods), most do not face the consequences and financial heist like Tiger Woods. In 2010, cheating like Tiger will cost you around $100 million and monthly child support in the tens of thousands.
Though the two had a prenup, which destined Ellen Nordegren to at least $20 million if they remain married for a decade, news of the golf greats adultery prompted a slight renegotiation to the initial contract. Still, nothing in the new prenup settles her with an amount like the one she will now be receiving. While it is in exchange for her undying silence on the marriage and his cheating, truly, it is so obvious Tiger is the one getting screwed by his own selfishness. And his wallet will be taking the brunt of the pain.
It's no coincidence that Tiger Woods has quite possibly discovered some the most expensive mistresses ever. Even Heidi Fleiss would be amazed at the tab 17 separate yet countless transgressions can rack up. But like the #1 champion he is, Tiger managed one of the most expensive divorce settlement. Ever. Yes, he's up their with Michael Jordans $157M.
Yet I think, beyond the money and the affairs, is the out come for their two children. When there is a cheater in any relationship (especially one involving children) you cant help but question: While they were away cheating, what did they miss here at home? Maybe a recital, or a science fair display. Maybe a day at the beach, or dinner at home. Maybe even some tears that needed wiping. Who knows? Certainly they don't; its hard to think of the ones you love when your doing things that would break their heart. And for his indiscretions, he will have still less time with his young 1-and-3 year old children: Ellen will have complete custody, with Tiger inserting some input. While I don't blame this custody aspect on Ellen (he did cheat with 17 women for goodness sake) it does sadden me that she had to even do this at all. Kids who need and want their father can't be around him because he is incapable right now of making selfless decisions, in particular, involving his family. In particular, not hurting them or their trust anymore.
Who's to say what Ellen, or any other mistreated, beguiled and heartbroken woman should receive monetarily. For pain and suffering.For embarrassment and exposure. For lost trust and wasted time. With the adultery rate the way it is, it seems a lot of people should be receiving $20M payouts for failed relationships. Yet in reality that doesn't happen. And in reality cheaters still cheat, leaving spouses without their other half. And children are left with monthly paychecks, yet no papa. And in reality, not even $20M can fill that emotional bankruptcy.