Column: The Black Burden

While watching my nightly indulgence of lighthearted sitcoms on a well-known black network, I was shocked to find myself bombarded with numerous airings of a ridiculous and racist commercial that I couldn’t believe was actually airing; on this station, countless times. It began with your typical surge of public opinion after the narrator asks, “ What is the #1 cause of death of African Americans?” People naturally stated the obvious leaders - HIV/AIDS, gang relations, murder, cancer, and others causes sharing the similar fatal outcome. I, along with those featured, were curious to find out this mystery answer, thinking 'Im black, the people on the ad are black, this is a black network – how educational and opportune of them to inform their viewers of this assumed ‘killer’ on the loose and how I can now be aware and possibly avoid it', right? If only it were that simple.
This “cause of death” – as inaccurately phrased in my opinion – was revealed to be abortions. In fact, they state that black abortions, or abortions performed on black women, make up 35% of all abortions and because of such, has reduced the black population by over 25% since 1973. Bluntly put, “a black baby” – ‘baby’ being an emotional word since no abortion is ever performed on an existing baby – “is three times more likely to be aborted than a white baby”. I will be the first to say that this news is overwhelming. It saddens me, as the double-minority black female they are targeting to hear such facts. It is truly a problematic situation of despair and an extreme lack of preparation or planning that even allows for disheartening statistics like these. And while I have all the sympathy in the world for women, of any color, who have come to this life-altering decision and feel the need to go through with an abortion, I in no way excuse or appreciate this propagandized commercial.
Fueled by blackdignity.com, the ad directly reflects abortion within the black community as not having pride or dignity for our race, and irresponsibly ‘causing’ a sort of genocide within ourselves. The commercial proceeds to show the stunned faces of young black people, like myself and the rest of their targeted fertile and youthful audience watching, hearing the reality that because of abortions, the black community is diminishing, all while loosing our distinction and character. Translation? Having an abortion is wrong. Why? Not wrong because God says so, or because it’s a huge decision that no one should really have to make, not even because of the possible health and emotional trauma one may have. No, its wrong because it’s causing black deaths of a collection of cells that scientifically and biologically, have yet to form anything, let alone an actual child. Moreover, a black child. But I digress…
I feel the strongest point this commercial - fear tactic - lacks in its entire thirty-two seconds of airtime is that truly, in reality, a lack of education to young people, especially women, along with a culture built around glamourous and unsafe sex is the root in this swell of terminations. Often people illustrate the term abortion with literally killing a child and that is far from the case. Abortion, by definition, is a procedure to end pregnancy, yes, but at a safe and humane stage of cell mutation when a fertilized egg is still an embryo. As well, people don’t end pregnancies for no reason, regardless of race and ethnicity; 100% of the time the situation, whatever it may be, is not conducive to bringing a child into the world. Supporting it, loving it and nourishing a soul both financially and emotionally, as society demands are not within capacity for so many people. Reluctantly, one cant hash over the state of abortions now, without reeling where abortions have been. Whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, it is hard to deny the menacing history self-imposed misbirths have been for women, let alone black women, and the humane progress that has been made. We have come from literally poisoning ourselves in hopes of ridding an unwanted fetus, to physically using rusted wire coat hangers to end a shameful pregnancy. Yet in 2011, there is still the humiliation and an unspoken social shun of terminating a pregnancy and because of such, women turn to disastrous methods- including back- alley abortions. All of this is reality, but you didn't see any of this the half-minute guilt trip. Instead, the commercial continued the cycle of disgrace that comes along with abortions and the decision to have one, instead of providing a resource for real dignity, real pride, real self-respect: education. Education is the key to ‘save’ the black culture from its supposed genocide due to abortions. Informing young people about the risks and reprocutions of sex - even if some think its a dead horse issue. With a 3:1 ratio of black abortion, the topic is far from over-discussed. Still no one is doing so – condoms are seen as accessories not necessities, birth control is expensive and not readily available. Ironically, the culture trying to be saved is the same culture that praises rims over responsibility, hood rich instead of soundly wealthy; dough boys instead of doctorates and diplomas. Our deficit in education is the true culprit for the 35% of women who feel they have no choice, know no better, and are forced to stand in the statistical line of women who are branded as being guilty of not only aborted 'babies', but hopes and dreams. That, Im sorry to say, is the true black indignity.

A memorable meet

Arrogance is self inflicted ignorance, not confidence as always referenced. You wear it so well, its weird that you actually got caught up in its spell; its confusion, its desire, its facade. 15 minutes of fame because your submerged in lifes game...until they forget your name when the play doesnt go the winning way. What can I say...you walk the walk and talk the talk but your pride doesnt feed on this scene like it used to...Has no one told you, your better that that? ...I would have assured you.
I must admitt, you do this thing with your cheeks and your grin that might have made me lead to sin had I not remembered what they say and certainly where you've been. Your all too legendary with the female kin. I almost gave in... you almost came down. The high horse you sit atop floating on clouds. The praises they throw that loft you up. I cant lift you that high so here we are stuck. A middle ground unmet and Im disheartened and your stuck up. Dont look now, but I thought the real you was trying to come out. Its sweet and longing, sincere with a drip of earnest. Boy are you sexy when you peek through the spotlight and stand on your own. Cuz I dont believe in shooting stars - fade away dreams or fly by night boys. Empty promises and little kid toys. Then again, you love the flashing lights and how can 1 girl compete with that?

5 a.m on Saturn

Sunrise, stunned eyes
in the dawn
Its 5 am and Im atop a hill on Saturn drive
Not yet blinded by the sunshine, but peering through the cloaked blinds
Awake from thin lines - alas, reality lies on the other side
Open the door, or be rewarded with a consolation prize
Riddle me this: which door leads to the rest of my life?
Surronded by options but sometimes, I still dont know
Truth is, success and acceptance may actually beget
What I could come to inevitably regret
Question being, should I risk it and go! or retreat, never actually having lept...
I dont know yet
The signs all point to change but thats the part Im anxious to accept.
Opportunity curiously ajar, taunting; truly unopened unless pressed.
Push
Push
Im pushing - it seems heavier than originally guessed.

So Im here, eyes wide open but hiding in my daze
Thin lines making me think past today
How will I acheive what I pray will go my way?
Convince strangers Im all that I say...and more
A student of life and craving to know whats in store.
Teach me please, Im ready to explore
So much to ask, so much to say. I really just need a moment to figure out a way...
Im bored with wishing, dreaming and such
Im ready to rest my hopes, roll up my sleeves and get ready to push
Push
Push for what i want
Im pushing but that may not be enough.
One chance to write my way in...bic in my right hand, ready to pen
Cant change the future without knowing where you've been.

Heres an 'X' to emboss where id like the rest of my life to begin

A new chapter in a book thats yet to be fully written

Lil Miss Brown Sugar

A curious ascertation, seeding from temptation.

He says 'I bet you taste like godiva and caramel'...

I smile and laugh.

If he only knew my innate cocoa spell

Brown suga babe making your sweet tooth swell

diabetes sweetie,


feigning that your not fiending but you know that thirst all too well.


My mama always called me Lil Miss Brown Suga cuz

I come from the land where the cocoa beans hail

where the rainbow ranges from tan to butter pecan to rich

chocolate mahogany and...

the sun never sets on our melting glow.

You've seen me, so that much you should know. Ah, but to taste:

Imagine cinnamon and chestnut, add some hazelnut if thats not enough,

to your morning coffee when the day starts off rough and surely you can

taste me under your tongue. I can make you come...

hither with a savory sip of my caffeinated skin.

Or maybe youd rather drip your milk right in

to a latte caressed with ice and sweetness in a perfect blend,


melting away and giving sway back to your exhausted lips.


Delish.

Or bite me. Bonbon confection of a bootylicious deity.



Scrumdiddlyumptious like a Wonka fantasy...


the best things in life are free and Im the candy shop - so pour some sugar on me.


Peel back a golden wrapper and be my guest to enter in


a factory full of chocolate delights to fulfill your every whim.


If godiva and caramel is as far as your imagination will propel


Please, let me infuse you with this aphrodisiac bombshell...


La Dolce Vita branded, that should be a tell-tell


If he only knew my innate cocoa spell.

Paradise?

Gates closed, eyes open - hands hidden. Ashen streets are lined with dust and despair, bottles and binkys, hustlers and the new they hustle. A weekend, yet there is no rest for the impoverished. Its life on the grind and they, them, these streets are always grinding. No gracias. Blanketed with a quilt sewn from the last strings of hope, no light can get through, though the people and this place ache for some rebirthing glow. Its been so, so long since any light has graced this place, its hard to imagine it so. But even as an import, I can see hardship cycling before me, even in the daytimes darkness. Barren people, young and old, wrapped in ponchos and weathered zapatos, blowing with the wind in which ever way the tourist flows. Hasting just to catch up to a lifetime of less than or not enough; food, chance, beauty...life can be a living chore, selling chiclets to the naivete boarding the last bus to los estados unidos. No gracias they attempt to politely mumble. while shooing off the young dealers. And while the language is not the same, countless thoughts echo in unison, There goes another one who cant stand to be here. Yes, here, but not 'here'. No gracias. Where babies cling to the backs of mothers, held on for life and limb by nothing more than a cinched blanket, breaking their spirt to cut you a break. Nimble hands crafted what will be inevitably be translated as a simple trinket vaguely obtained while on 'some vacation somewhere' instead of the lively hood and bread and butter it actually represents.
Not 'here' where bargaining is conversing and your nothing more than time wasting time if your hands dont come from hiding, revealing green el presidentes, of course.
No, never 'here', this place they call the 'cove of all saints' where unsaintly things occur and no one can spare bottled-only water to cleanse their hands...unless your willing to pay for it.
This place reeks of a forgotten beauty, shunned after her peak years and left to wrinkle and gray alone and in the dark.
Closing my eyes cant cover my ears and certainly cant bite my tongue - I see too much and am humbled once again from my veins of vanity and californication of reality. To be grateful and blessed; keen on what i have, in this moment and accepting of what may never be mine. Happiness cant be bought or sold on the side of the street - I know this.
As I board this bus to go back to my seemingly greener grass, one last glimpse breaks me. I lean in, heart and soul giving in, handing out a piece of what Ive been given.
Suddenly, unprompted?, I see some light peaking through the seams.

Waited Too Long

After all this time, all our time leaves me seething
Your fumbling drunken thumbs texting
No courtship or lingering love beaming
No sunsets, intimacy or fireworks seeing
You see
Just my body; no soul, all that's withstanding.
Regretting this and ever other time feigning understanding
Whatever the fuck that means...instead we settle on pretending
Hot sex, littered with regrets and showers of self-loathing
Physically attempting to rewind a stubborn clock
stuck on our pastimes 'great' thing
A clock pacing between the beginning and never quite reaching the realistic ending
A clock never quite waking me up to what you are as a lackluster and inconsiderate being
Taking my lust for that 'us' and turning it into a resentful memory
Wishing I never opened my heart to a man so neglecting
When i was your girlfriend I bet you never imagined me leaving...
I'm glad we were there but let it rest in the grave its mummifying
Forget my smiles, forget my name
Forget me if you cant remember me
C in my entirety, not a sexual prowess or whatever your fantasies conjour me being
Love me for my brain and my heart, my body, soul; and
mind; dont stiffle it. I'd rather suffocate, but in the meantime...
Let me be if you cant come at me complete.
Im looking for someone to love Christine
I told you before...
Im never settling.

Column: A Cyber Savvy Singles Do[n't] Guide to Online Dating: Part 1

In my on-going quest for the right 'he' to occupy my right now , I have ventured into the world of online dating. Like real dating , one needs to have confidence, open-mindedness and traditionally a bit of a flirt game. Typically my pick-up line goes something like "Hi, my name is Christine, and I just randomly came across your page. You seem really interesting and I would like to learn more about you...". Yes, I have a pick-up line. Its not sexy, not overly flirtatious but it has an air of intrigue and spontaneity, like 'you seem so great I simply had to write you', while still mellow and not too anxious. And above all, its genuine...I find people through a search engine so saying I 'randomly came across your page' is pretty damn accurate. Yes, you can read into all of that from a 2-line byline... But moving past those revelations, I usually go on to cite and highlight what we may have in common from their description of themselves and end with inviting them to read about me. In my virtual travels of what equates a tipsy free-fall singles bar on any night of the week, I have come across the most bizarre, forward and out of control introductory messages never to be uttered aloud, yet somehow end up in my inbox. After the initial shock and sometimes, blushes, I end up doing one of two things: hitting delete, or hitting delete and then block (the latter, of course, depends on the afore mentioned blushing factor). Here's how to not end up in your computer love's out bin.
DO: Start with your name
I cant tell you how many times I have read an entire online propagandist auto-bio, read the trite message and left my computer like, 'what was his name?'. This especially sucks if I read or find something about the person that I like and really do want to start a conversation - I'm held back by a speed bump of not even knowing how to address you. Think of your message as an actual in-person introduction...give me details and fundamentals.
DO: Mention or address something you two may have in common
As my own profile states, flattering me and yourself with 'were both hot' sentiments will get you no where and I might even toss in an eye-roll just to set the mood. Something genuine is appreciated, like you have similar interests in music, movies or travel. People who are truly looking for 'someone' want to know off the bat how much effort they may have to put into this 'relationship' or if serendipity has brought you to each others attention.
DONT: Make a profile that lacks substance, information and insight into your life
Im not suggesting you write your memoir, but too often people create online profiles that dont have any information at all. The standard site questions, such as age, gender, and location do not count toward your profile details. Keep in mind that this is the only way people will get to know about you until further contact. And if you are the pursuer, then you want a bio that sells all your qualities, not stumbles on your faults and negativities. Be honest, maybe even witty and interesting. Remember you want them to like you not loathe they ever came onto your profile.
DO: Approach a potential dating situation as if you were actually in person
Though online dating is a great venue for the overly shy and reserved, it is also a prime opportunity for the perverse and explicit. You wouldn't approach someone and remark, "Cant wait to meet up and kiss those lips..." would you? So dont do it here. Find the balance between flirty and respectful - be intriguing, alluring, yet leave your reader curious to find out more about you. And just like you would in person, be aware of personal space. DON'T inundate someone's inbox. One message is enough before you start IMing them, poking their profile or even searching out their name on other social networks. It's weird, it's uninvited and I can almost guarantee a "hell no" is your future. State your case, let your interest be known, and leave the cheesy douche bag lines and awkward behavior for the actual bar, where the alcohol content can drown out your lameness.
DO: Publish a realistic and accurate picture of yourself now...
and not who you were 5 years ago, or who you want to be in 10 years. A full face and body picture is always preferred. 'Nuf said.
DONT: Be personally offended or hurt by someone's digital denial
Yes, they may be cute and their profile reads that you two have so many things in common that you've lost track AND they too have a cat named Mandu, but sometimes, they just arent that into you. They dont feel the same vibe your putting out over the web, their schedule isnt open to meeting right now or they simple arent interested - dont let that discourage you from continuing to date online and in person. And though they are rejecting your interest, they arent rejecting you per se...remember they dont really even know you. Ironic since if they got to know you the sparks may fly, but be that as it may, in actual life and behind a key board sometimes people just arent feeling each other and thats totally ok. Rejection is apart of the dating game - Acceptance is the goal so keep looking!
DO: Treat the first meeting as just that...a first meeting
In the online dating world, the substantial difference between actual dating and digital dating is, of course, the lack of physical contact. Whereas in a bar or club you can feel the chemistry sizzle (or fizzle) you cant online. So if and when you meet a perspective date, the first time around should be like an in-person introduction. Maybe even a repeat of a few things you two discussed in your emails and mid-day IM's to reiterate the connection that you think is there or to see if is was a just a match.com mirage. Either way, pick a place central to both of you; good lighting and an agreeable atmosphere (as far as music, clubs, lounges or dinner) and come simply ready to mingle, talk and maybe finally that special someone.